You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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