this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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