I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
