The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
