My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No subtext here. People are naked.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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