I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
