No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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