I can tuck mytits in my pants
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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