so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't put those talents on a resume
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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