I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize