he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
