Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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