Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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