That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize