just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
