What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize