Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
