guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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