I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
