Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
