you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
