Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
