My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize