hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
