While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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