porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
