peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize