Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
