My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize