I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
