this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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