Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
