Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
