You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
