I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
