If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
