walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They should really pass out barf bags in church
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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