My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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