We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
