Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
