Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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