My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
