isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
