I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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