I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm both gender and math confused
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
