you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
