I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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