Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
