I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
