I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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