I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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