You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
