"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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