You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
