That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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