who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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