I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
