either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
