how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
