I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
