I need help removing her.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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