I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
