in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
