it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
being pregnant is like rehab
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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