remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
