It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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