Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
