Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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