If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
