OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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