the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
